Prepping myself for an evening of climbing this week – packing my new chalk bag from Christmas and reminding myself of important knots, terms, and techniques – I found myself excited but nervous. Eager but anxious. Confident yet timid. As I move back and forth between different countries and say hello and goodbye to various people I love, this is a clouding feeling that has surfaced frequently during the past couple months. And one I’m beginning to learn to trust and appreciate as uniquely special, despite the conflicted emotions.
Six weeks had passed since my last climb and I wasn’t sure if I would remember everything from the fall. At one point, I was able to climb as a leader and belay Roman down at a safe speed on my own without rocketing into the air. Climbing is still new for me, and these feats took me a couple of months to learn. Sometimes the activity still seems daunting so I was afraid it was dormant for too long while I was in America over the Christmas holiday. However, as soon as I walked into that small gym in Cieszyn, put on my harness, correctly tied the first knot and started my first climb, everything I knew instantaneously came back.
Even though a month and a half passed without any return to this sport (there are no walls I know of or visit in Andover and Boston), I tried again and was pleasantly, and amusingly, surprised. I not only remembered important techniques I practiced and learned during the transitional months of September, October, November, and early December, (including the harness knot that I always struggled with up until the very last climb in December!) but felt stronger and more courageous and willing to try more difficult tasks without fear.
I realized this by the culmination of a lovely evening that not only involved climbing but also a home-cooked Polish meal and a cozy chat about family and travel at my Czech family’s favorite pub with Roman. This represents another unplanned evening and reminder of all the roots I have established in 2019 that help me feel more at home 🙂 I was even able to visit another rock wall in Ostrava over the weekend; the wall was over 20 meters high and definitely more difficult and exhausting than the one in Cieszyn. Nevertheless, the morning I spent here serves as a prime example of the many new experiences, and emotions, that are going to keep coming my way in 2020. Again, I am using climbing as a metaphor for this blog – a metaphor that represents the reflection, adventure, challenges, and growth that has defined my character leading up to my midyear report.
Me teaching my Maturita students about Mark Twain and Tom Sawyer.
This week I finally felt as though I was able to resettle back into my routine and community in Česky Têšín. While each day was still very busy and there were definitely moments of mental blocks and disorientation, at this midyear mark, for the first time of my Fulbright experience, I truly feel like a local in my city. I realized this while walking out of my school on Tuesday after my boss from the Fulbright Commission observed one of my lessons. The night before her observation, we sat in my Czech family’s favorite pub and discussed my previous goals as an English Teaching Assistant coming to the Czech Republic and how I have accomplished them in and outside my school placement. For example, I came to the Czech Republic with the plan to start my own running team and newspaper. Now I have learned that less is, in fact, more.
Instead of coaching a competitive running club after school, I encourage students to join me for casual runs around Česky Têšín and Cieszyn so we can chat and exchange cultural stories and connections. The students already run their own magazine so I help with this when needed. Instead of a student-run newspaper, I have started a baking club. Again, this club is a great way for me to connect and meet with students in an informal setting. Baking is messy and fun and it’s a nice way to relax and unwind with my students. My after-school tutoring hours have definitely been the most popular and many of the students prefer one-on-one sessions. I enjoy these individual conversations because they allow for authentic relationships to develop. However, this does make for a very busy schedule so I hope to find a better balance in 2020 and encourage some more group sessions 🙂
In terms of my classroom goals, as a recently graduated English major from Bates, I wanted to incorporate American literature into my English language lessons. I came with the goal of encouraging students to find books they feel comfortable reading and then establish connections, facilitate discussions, and improve critical thinking skills. As of right now in the Czech Republic, my English lessons do not follow this framework. However, I have actually now changed my goals for literature lessons. I have learned that English language learning is complex and highly personalized. In order to establish a sense of community in the classroom, the most important aspect of the lesson is simply talking and thinking in English. Therefore, during literature lessons, I have students orally summarize classic American and British stories then discuss takeaways and themes together. I always encourage students to ask questions which in turn encourages them to think and speak in English. This has been a much more productive framework for my lessons and I hope to continue to see progress in the months ahead.
Just sitting down in this pub with my boss, remembering that application I wrote over a year ago, I realized that I feel very comfortable with my daily routine in Česky Têšín while 4,000 miles away from my home in Andover. This reflection made me internalize, question, and really gather everything I have learned about teaching, culture, family, and, most importantly, simply living, throughout this experience. My boss and I also talked about the differences between Czech and American teaching styles/schooling. We talked about the cultural differences and patience required of yourself when moving to a new country – especially one with a completely different vernacular. We talked about family and community. We even talked about staying mentally sane! Setting aside time to discuss my teaching techniques, after-school clubs, and newfound community with my boss forced me to momentarily pause my hectic lifestyle, step back, and realize how my goals and priorities for this year have changed. And this change is why my routine feels so comfortable.
As discussed above, instead of planning ambitious and overzealous clubs and activities for students, I have learned to take a step back and focus on establishing small, safe settings after school for students to simply talk and practice their English with me. I have even realized goals I didn’t know I had – an aim to secure a tight knit feeling of family and support – a feeling I find so valuable for everybody, regardless of place and origin. I realized how little I have trusted people before this year and how nice it feels to finally secure sprinkles of ever-growing confidence, and have people to return to in every corner of my life – and I the same for them. This is a goal I did not write in my Fulbright grant proposal or personal statement. That said, deep down, I know it is a goal that has always lingered in the back of my mind and one that I have always aspired to work toward.
So, in the span of 5 months I have been able to connect with a loving and adventurous Czech family, become a stronger, and more confident and patient, teacher, student, and individual, and realize the importance of consistent reflection, trust and balance. For the first time all year, I sat down, discussed and reflected about the entire experience up to this point, even the small moments I don’t think too hard about throughout my day-to-day – like the feeling of excitement that follows a simple “Ahoj!” or “Hi!” from a colleague at the gymnasium I have never spoken to before. Or a nice, comforting and surprisingly long, WhatsApp chat I am able to have with a loved one back home. Looking back, I realized just how thankful I should be because my time in the Czech Republic thus far marks a year of so many life-altering firsts, enriching opportunities, and lifelong connections. Although I have a long way to go, I am consistently realizing just how important it is to open up and learn from all people that enter your life.
I also shared with my boss a lesson about Mark Twain and his classic novel, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, and grew a stronger appreciation for the advanced English talent of my students. My students participated and discussed the art of Mark Twain’s aphorisms – a topic I knew was going to be challenging but they dived right in and impressed both me and my boss by engaging in discussion with each other and asking me many questions (as you all know I love questions). All in all, this was a lovely visit from the Fulbright commission that granted me space for verbal, empathetic reflection – which is especially important during these weeks of adjustment and sporadic feelings of disconnection and disorientation between homes.
Me in front of, and teaching Maturita students at Gymnasium Česky Têšín.
Additionally, this week I spent the entire day in Ostrava on Friday, teaching at the primary school, Základni škola Mitusova 16., in the morning, American corner in the afternoon, and a private lesson in the evening. I definitely jam-packed my schedule, however, ultimately recognized significant moments I hope to see appear more frequently this year. While at Bates I always enjoyed visiting and helping out in primary schools because young children possess a certain innocence and enthusiasm I aspire to always hold on to throughout my life. In my opinion, young children often, sometimes with funny questions and gestures, put life into perspective at perfectly timed moments.
Again, after a month hiatus, I was afraid that the children from Základni škola in Ostrava would forget about me and that I would have to redevelop my connections with the students and staff. This was silly and I really do need to keep working on my trust because the children not only remembered me but also asked insightful questions about grammar, vocabulary, and American culture, colored portraits of me, brought sweet gifts, and ask to take some selfies. I was certainly exhausted because while these children do possess positive energy…they have A LOT of positive energy that requires A LOT in return 🙂 Therefore, before my lesson at the American Corner, I had a much-needed coffee with my colleague and our conversation about personal priorities and mental energy touched me and helped my enthusiasm for the rest of the day.
Then, at the American corner, I asked the four present students some basic conversation questions about time management and planning. While each question was simple, they all sparked many comments from every student. For the first time during any of my American Corner lessons, everybody was an equal and eager contributor to the conversation and even asked some questions of each other before, during, and after the lesson. This Friday was definitely a packed day and discussing time management as a conversation topic with my adult students at the American Corner made me realize that I need to rethink about my definition of “balance.”
By this midyear mark, I now know that a balance is only accomplished when I trust that nobody will think any different of me if my schedule is not overbooked with activities and events. Everybody needs time to breathe! So, I ended this Friday with an unplanned visit to the pub. A couple stopped me and brought me to my Czech family– I am known here as a member of the Koch family and, again, have become a local – and one ready for some more surprises in Česky Têšín!
Finally, I was also able to celebrate a couple of birthdays this week with Fulbright friends from the eastern regional nest of the Czech Republic – another sweet and unexpected surprise. I am always reminded of how necessary these reunions are while with them as we laugh and connect over simple conversations and interactions. These reunions allow my mind to rest a bit and enjoy the company of people experiencing similar emotions and challenges as me – yet at the same time slightly different, interesting, hilarious and endearing to hear about and discuss. We had a cozy dinner at a Greek restaurant in Ostrava and then a beautiful Sunday in Frydek Mistrek. During each of these trips, I met up with four other Fulbright friends and had meals, a castle tour, and then chats over coffee/tea in quaint, modern cafes. Both experiences were very slow moving and relaxing – the perfect end to a busy but productive and rejuvenating week. My Fulbright friends go through their own wild experiences and always remind me that my emotions are not something to ever be ashamed of – they are just normal, genuine, feelings that come our way through the various ups and downs of life in a foreign country.
While I type this I also need to include an important new direction for my reflection. I have been back in the Czech Republic for two weeks and already I have gotten into the habit of packing my schedule – this makes it impossible to call back to home. And I realize that I need this balance in my life – this taste of familiarity to help my mind relax and not go into panic mode while living and interacting with my Czech community. Even when I don’t visit or see people every day, the strength of any relationship is still in my hands – instead of overthinking, I just need to take a leap of faith and trust that distance may actually align with that classic cliché and make the heart grow fonder and appreciate any time to reconnect. And, returning to my favorite metaphor, a better climber with awakened instincts 🙂
As always, what’s next? – I am going to be judging English competitions held at my school this week and will help send three students to regional competitions. My old prom dress will be making a reappearance as I join my school community at a ball, showcasing student dancing lessons, held this Saturday. Another trip to the mountains is also in store for my first cross country ski trip. And, most important, I will be planting my humble Christmas tree in Roman and Pavlina’s family garden. Time is flying and months are quickly slipping away but no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will always have roots in Česky Têšín, my second home, far east, along the Polish border of the Czech Republic 🙂
Until next time, enjoy simple, cozy winter nights and snowstorms with family and friends…and, as always, ahoj!
Redefining Escape 