One click. 10 seconds. And a life changing accomplishment is suddenly right in my grasp. One click, and many months of diligence, studying, writing, a solo trip to Krakow, learning how to teach, navigating language barriers and an unfamiliar lifestyle, facing moments of inevitable loneliness, and continually learning how to live with the permanence of my fatherβs absence have gifted me an opportunity to attend Harvardβs Graduate School of Education as a student of the Teacher Education program. An opportunity I have secretly longed for since looking at undergraduate schools with my father has become a feasible reality for next year. A reality that was secured with a 10 second click of a button.
Now, I have spent several of my recent blogs trying to analyze the confusion of time. I mean how can a matter of 10 seconds feel so surreal? How can a matter of 10 seconds illuminate an imaginative plan I have pieced together in my head for 6 months? I spent the past week beyond tense, religiously checking my phone for emails from the Admission’s Office, and constantly calling home to ease my nerves. I spent way more than 10 seconds lost in thought about all the ways my plans could fall apart. Yet, once I received the email inviting me for that 10-second click, the time I spent nervous didnβt seem to matter. My life graciously fell into place β as it always seems to. All I needed was a little more patience and a whole lot of trust.
While persisting through the unease of my nerves this week, I was on a school ski course with my youngest students in VelkΓ© Karlovice. This trip proved to be a surprisingly necessary and mentally stimulating change in routine. By the first afternoon of the trip, I was faced with the fact that I was going to have to reteach myself how to ski and there were no English speakers who could share verbal explanations of techniques that would help me. Nobody quite knew how they could relieve my very visible fear and communicate with me. I used to ski with my brothers, father, and cousins every winter and they always knew how to arouse laughter and supportively and patiently push my limits. The void of their presence on the mountain, or really anybody who could speak English and ski alongside me, was initially ridiculously frustrating and overwhelming. Waves of panic inevitably found me while my mind was already racing endless streams of unstoppable nerves about Harvard admission results.
During that first hour on the slope, there were several moments when I thought about quitting, drinking tea in the lodge, and providing friendly moral support to my students from the safety of stationary ground because I knew it would feel safe. Nonetheless, I tried and immediately had trouble using the T-Bar going up the slope and then felt out of control when trying to ski down the mountain. My boots felt too heavy and my feet were numbed and completely lost feeling. I also thought the skis felt too heavy even though this was not possible! The skis were not too heavy β they simply felt unfamiliar and thus uncomfortable.
As I slowly made my way down the mountain, I paused every few feet and before every steep downhill, definitely driving other skiers on the mountain a bit crazy. When I finally reached the bottom, I looked back up to the top and just thought there is no way I am putting myself through that insanity again β especially not for another 2 hours, or worse, 4 days. All I wanted was to feel safe and in control and to sit next to somebody who could talk to me in my native language and laugh at my ridiculous showing on the top of the slope β and the lodge seemed the closest place for me to at least feel a little more stable. However, over the years, no matter how frustrating life has seemed and how helpless and alone I have feltβ¦I have never felt satisfied with safe and easy decisions.
I knew I needed to get back on the slope or the week would drag very slow and I would be stuck inside my scattered head. I knew I couldn’t let how I thought others saw my skiing stop me from trying. So, I worked up the courage to ask one of the gym teachers for help β in spite of the confusing language gap. A 10 second act. This 10 second moment overshadowed that one frustrating hour and quickly transformed into another week of growing independence and budding friendships. By the end of the week I was not only able to use the T-Bar and ski down the slope without fear, I was also able to pick up some speed and make the most of poor conditions. Instead of letting my feelings of loneliness dominate my time skiing, I channeled my fears into an ambition to ski as my fatherβs daughter β a young woman who can laugh at herself, confidently ski at her own pace, and face her fears with resilience, success, and grace.
When not on the slope, I strengthened my ping-pong skills and engaged in many meaningful and friendly conversations with students I do not have enough time to speak to before, during, and after lessons. I even combined some English games with ping-pong matches, encouraging students to only speak in English during our little tournaments or providing them with a theme in which they had to say a corresponding word as they hit the ball to the other side of the table. Many moments of laughter filled the mountain and this game room. This atmosphere epitomized a rare and unique time to connect with my younger students outside the classroom. After asking me about my prior ski experience, and watching me struggle that first day, they even gave me some advice and motivating compliments throughout the week while also praising my improvement and repeatedly thanking me for joining them on the trip.
Additionally, while on this trip I met some new teachers, including a biology teacher who spends his time climbing when he is not in the classroom and learns English from his wife who teaches at a gymnasium in Trinec. The school week is always extremely busy. There is never any time to chat about life outside the classroom, especially with colleagues who teach subjects outside your department. This week forced me to sit and relax, read and get to know new teachers better. We exchanged several humorous conversations about the differences between the United States and the Czech Republic and laughed about our varying experiences with different groups of students. The headmaster even called halfway through the week to check and ensure I felt happy. π When the last day of the trip arrived, I realized that a major difference between this course and the boating course was that I no longer felt like an American stranger to my school community. During this trip, I was an integral part of their course and they were more eager to ask me questions, ensure I felt safe and happy, and learn about where I come from and how I am enjoying my time at their school and in the Czech Republic. And I the same for them.
So, a major takeaway from this trip and week of anticipation and patience? I find it very easy to let anxiety consume my life and it is even easier to give up and give in to fear. However, without courage, unexpected treasures remain unexpected and unfound. 10 seconds is all it takes for a moment, and an experience, to completely change π
Finally, upon arriving back to Δesky TΓͺsΓn, I immediately felt at home. One of the gym teachers even saw Roman drive and park along the street and told me, βSarah, your Czech dad is here!β Roman and I then went on to have a very funny and refreshing afternoon and weekend of climbing. While it was definitely a bit crazy finding out about Harvard alone in my flat, thousands of miles away from my family and loves ones, I was blessed with the opportunity to share and celebrate the news with my Czech family and received showers of calls from loves ones in the US. And in a special and sacred way, I was even able to share the moment with my father as I found a small picture of him, blew a kiss and quietly whispered, βWe did it.β Even if I do not realize this everyday, waves of familiarity not only hit me in the United States, they now hit me in the Czech Republic too and I have momentous experiences and opportunities waiting for me in both countries π
So whatβs on the rise this week?
On Thursday, I will be visiting a fellow Fulbright English Teaching Assistantβs school, GymnΓ‘zium Ε½idlochovice, located in a small village in Moravia (wine region!) I will be visiting this school with several other grantees, and together we will be participating in two classroom sessions, a morning session and an afternoon session. The morning session will consist of interacting and teaching with students ages 10-19 years old in their regular English classes. We will all hold discussions, play games, and lead activities based on the needs of the students. The afternoon session will consist of three groups in which all grantees will give a short presentation about their states, conduct an activity based on the state they presented, and then mingle and chat with the students. I am very excited to see another Czech school, reunite with fellow Fulbrighters, and share my love of Boston with new friends π
If life feels a bit frantic right now, in a matter of 10 seconds, know that it can completely change. With that, ahoj and happy womanβs day, an international holiday β celebrate the strength of ALL women today and every day!
Redefining Escape 
Very sweet. Great article Sarah. Congratulations on such an amazing accomplishment.
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